you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
