My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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