News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
