trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
