Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
