I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
