I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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