Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
