His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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