woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
