All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
