Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
His hands were made for my vagina.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
