i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
whose ass print is on the piano?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
