you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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