he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
