i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
