HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
