We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
