I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
