The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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