At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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