I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
