I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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