Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
