Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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