I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I've blown a few things in my day
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
