mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
