i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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