How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
