Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
