oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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