Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
