I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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