Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
