drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
