you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
