Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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