There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
