So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
