This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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