I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
