I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
