Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
