im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
