You just made me feel so damn special
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
