she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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