ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
