Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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