I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
This is classic penis vs brain.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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