Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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