If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
