I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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